#it’s been years of hospital visits and doctors appointments and still no help

[chelseaisdisabled]

Yep. I literally couldn’t walk at all and the doctor that did the nerve conduction study on me and found damaged nerves just shrugged her shoulders and said well you’re not paralyzed hehe and sent me home with absolutely no fucking help. When I visited a different neurologist she spent 15 minutes with me and told me, “just walk” like omg I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Idk why I’ve been sitting in this wheelchair the whole time!! Genius

“If I had a broken spine people would take me seriously!!!” no they wouldn’t. they would glare at you in public and stare at you and ask you invasive questions and harass you. they would call you a faker. they would scream at you.

shut the actual fuck up you lying ableist fucking assholes !!!! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS LIKE LMAO

[jeonggukookies]

too young | eight

summary: jungkook proves to everyone that he cares about you and his daughter, jules the most. 

word count: 3,083

genre:  parent!au, single dad!jungkook fluff

one || two || three || four || five || six || seven || eight 

“Do you know what time Jungkook is getting here?” Jules asked, sitting down on one of the office chairs. Without any hesitation, she undid her braid quickly and started messing up her hair. “Or is someone else supposed to take me?”

“Didn’t lunch just start for you?” You looked at the clock behind you, the long black minute hand just reaching the same place as the short hour mark. “I’m sure he will be here soon.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot,” she mumbled under her breath.

“He’s coming,” you assured Jules. “Be patient.”

“But are you sure he’s coming?” Unlike the first time you met Jules, she looked at you with a look of confusion on her face. She was clenching the white straps of her purple backpack as if she was afraid to lose the bag. Jules had been in your office for at least five minutes, asking every thirty seconds to ask if her guardian was here. “What if he forgot, again?”

“He didn’t forget.” It used to be normal for Jungkook to be late whether that be ten minutes or an hour and a half. You remember how nonchalant and unimpressed Jules used to be when you told her one of her uncles was on her way instead of her guardian. “Why are you in such a rush?”

“Because I want this stupid thing off now!” She gestured to the black ankle brace. It had been a month since the hospital visit and Jules had been counting the days she could go back on the field to play soccer. She reached to take one of the velcro straps off on her brace. “Do you know how annoying this has been?”

“Hey!” you exclaimed. “You know you aren’t allowed to take it off before your appointment. The doctor needs to make sure it has healed correctly and everything. Then, the doctor will take it off for you.”

“By the time he gets here, the doctor’s office will be closed until next year,” she pouted, placing her hands back onto the backpack straps. “Why can’t Uncle Tae get me? Why can’t you take me to the doctor?”

“Because I’m at school,” you deadpanned. “And I want to be here.”

“I do too. You can just take me,” she whined.

“No, I can’t.” You couldn’t help to roll your eyes. "Because Jungkook is coming.”

“Yeah, right.” Jules threw back her head in frustration and groaned loudly. “Then where is he?”

“Right behind you,” Jungkook said, appearing with a smile on his face. “Are you ready, Kiddo?”

Without saying a word, Jules got up on her two feet and rolled her eyes. Still holding onto the straps of her bag tightly, she first looked out of the office, staring at the kids in the cafeteria as if she were searching for someone specific. She then in a haste left the office, stomping her feet on the ground, making her footsteps heard through the entire building.

“This is the first time I’ve seen her with an attitude.” You and Jungkook both looked at each other, realizing you guys both said the same thing at the same time.

“Did something happen between you guys this morning?” You asked. “Was she like this before school?”

“She seemed fine this morning when I dropped her off at school,” he replied, crunching his eyebrows together. “She was super excited for her appointment today, so maybe her excitement just turned into anger...Right? Kids and their emotions these days.”

But even before, on the days when Jungkook told Jules that he would pick her up and he still didn’t show, Jules never showed any sign of any anger or displeasure. She stayed patient, understanding that even if Jungkook didn’t come, she would always see him at home.

“Why did she think you weren’t going to show up though?”

Before he could say anything, Jungkook’s phone started going off, ringing so loudly that he jumped a bit. He reached into his right beige trenchcoat pocket and pulled out his phone, showing you the screen: Jules was calling.

“Did she say anything to you earlier?” He asked.

“Just that she wanted her brace off,” you confirmed his suspicions. “Maybe it’s nothing, and we’re just thinking too hard about it.”

_________

It was not nothing.

It was definitely something.

Something was off.

Ever since her doctor’s appointment, Jules has tried to convince Jungkook that she was sick and could not go to school. He allowed it for the first day and the second day, but when she asked for a third and then a fourth, he started to think something was going on. Every time Jungkook asked about school, Jules stayed quiet, saying nothing, yet it was louder than what could have been said. During the last week you had seen her, she would always change the subject whenever school was brought up and would ask you to convince Jungkook to not let her go.

“Have you heard anything from school? Teachers? Students?” Jungkook asked over the phone. It had been a week since she got her brace off, and he was worried. He had kept calling you every day during this time always to ask if you had heard anything about Jules and her change in behavior.  “Why doesn’t she want to go to school?”

“Jungkook, no kid really wants to go to school,” you guessed, scratching the back of your neck. “She’s a kid. Maybe, the only thing on her mind is soccer and she wasn’t able to do that for a while.”

“Yeah but Jules never had a problem in school and always enjoyed learning,” he replied. “I just don’t get why she’s avoiding school like it's the plague.”

Sighing, you think about the last time Jules had been in your office and how she was so agitated, maybe even apprehensive about whether or not Jungkook was going to arrive and take her to her appointment. “Well, the last time she was in my office, she told me she had wanted to be at school.”

“Really?”

You winced. “I mean, I said that I couldn’t take her to the appointment because I wanted to stay at school, and she agreed before asking if you were going to pick her up?”

“Wait, she asked you that?” Jungkook was taken aback, sounding like he was offended by what you said. “Why would she think that?”

“Have you been picking her up?” You questioned. “The boys haven’t been picking her up?

“I have been picking her up from school every day,” he answered back. “I haven’t been really late either. But you know how it is with every parent wanting to pick up their kid. The line is so long so I am always going to be the last one there just because I can’t get out of work earlier.”

“Really?” Usually five minutes after class ends, Jules would always come to your office and make herself at home. “I thought you'd been picking her up earlier because she hasn’t come by to my office to see me this week or last week at all.”

“Not even for lunch?” He asked.

“Nope.”

“Are we just being pushy?” Despite not having a face-to-face conversation, you could tell Jungkook was disheartened, thinking what he could have done wrong to upset Jules, for her to act this way. “Maybe she wanted to do something different.”

“That can be true,” you reluctantly answered, releasing a slow sigh. “But let’s think about it, Kook. She’s never lied to you before, especially about this kind of stuff.”

“And she tells you everything too.” His voice trails off into silence. “Does she usually have lunch with you today?”

You answered, “On Fridays at 12 usually.”

“But it’s 1:45,” he replied slowly. “Did she not eat today?”

Your head snapped to the clock hanging on the wall. The time was indeed past the time you usually saw Jules. “I must have lost track of the time. But I had been in my office all day, so I don’t know why she didn’t come in. She comes sometimes and eats in silence if she sees me working.”

“Something is wrong.”

“Hey, I gotta go.” A staff member from the fifth-grade department had knocked on your door. She was hired around the same time you were, letting the two of you quickly bond over a new school environment earlier in the school year. “I’ll see you later for dinner tonight.”

“Hey, Y/N. I think you should look at this.” The staff member took a pause, looking frightened. “It’s…about Jules.”

“Jules? Is she okay?” You asked with urgency. “Jules as in Seo Jules?”

She nodded and gestured for you to follow her into the fifth-grade wing. Taking a left, the two of you entered the bathroom. Without saying a word, she pointed to the middle stall.

Giving her a look of confusion, she pointed down, making you look. There in the stall, you could see a small girl sitting on the toilet, not using the bathroom, and had her legs stretched in front of her, so her feet wouldn’t be shown on the ground. You could recognize those shoes from anywhere: the light-up tennis shoes that Jin bought for Jules that she loved to brag about.

“What is she doing here?” You whispered. “Are you sure it's Seo Jules?”

Jules was 7 and her classroom was on the other side of the building, opposite the fifth-grade wing. At this time, you knew she should have been in class, learning how to spell words, long words that she didn’t know how even to pronounce.

“Hey Jules? Are you feeling okay?” Your colleague called out.

“Um..Yeah.” You heard Jules's voice come through the stall. “Is school almost over?”

“Yeah, do you want to open the door for me?”

Getting off the toilet seat, Jules unlocked the handle and opened the door. She didn’t expect to see you standing there in front of her. She was wearing an oversized grey hoodie that you’ve never seen her wear and some fake black glasses, way too big for her round small face. Avoiding making any eye contact with you, she looked down. “Are you going to tell Jungkook?”

You looked at your colleague, and she understood that it was her cue to leave the two of you alone to have a private conversation. “Do you want me to?”

“Obviously not,” she mumbled under her breath, still staring down at the ground. “I forgot to do my homework, Miss. I didn’t want to get in trouble in front of everyone.”

“Is there something wrong, Jules?” You asked with concern in your voice. “Is that really the reason why?”

“Yes,” she answered quickly. “Please don’t tell Jungkook this time.”

________

“Seo Jules, please come to the front office,” you announced to the microphone of the PA system.

When it happens a second time, you immediately call Jungkook.

The sounds of ringing phones and tapping keyboards filled the air, but Jungkook’s mind was elsewhere. He was sitting in front of your desk, violently shaking his leg with the look of concern on his face. “Is Jules hurt?”

“Jungkook, Jules was found in the library, hiding by the bookshelves during most of her classes today and she was just found there becaus she hadn’t showed up to soccer practice since she got her brace off.”

“What?” He asked in disbelief.

“Hey,” Jules called out as she stood by the door. “Why are you here?”

Jungkook took a deep breath, trying to keep his cool after hearing Jules ask that question. He didn’t want Jules to ever be scare to tell him the truth, and he didn’t want Jules to ever lie to him about something as important as this. “Do you want to tell me why the school informed me that you were hiding in the library? How you haven’t been attending some certain classes?”

“You told him?” Jules dropped her shoulders, feeling betrayed. “Why would you do that?”

“We need to address the issue going on here,” Jungkook said, his tone disapproving.

“There’s no issue,” Jules protested. “I just got a little lost. It happens sometimes.”

“Jules, you were found around the bean bags, reading books,” He pointed out. “I don’t think you were lost. And this isn’t the first time this has happened and I’m only now being aware of it. What if you were really lost? What if the school couldn’t find you? What if I couldn’t find you?”

“It’s not like that!” Jules sighed, looking down. “You won’t lose me.”

“Sweetheart, we know you haven’t been going to soccer practice either,” you said. Jules’s head shot up to look at you. “If there’s something wrong, you need to tell us now.”

Jules sighed, fidgeting with her fingers. “Everyone says I get special treatment because Jungkook is dating my principal.”

Jungkook’s heart sank along with yours. “What is wrong with that?”

“Nothing.” She paused before continuing. “I don’t know. They just think the teachers favor me over them because of Y/N and how we have money to pay them to like me. They just wouldn’t stop, so I just stopped…I rather be by myself than be with mean people.”

Although the most recent break up with Jungkook didn’t make you cry, the realization that Jules was facing remarks at school due to your relationship with Jungkook did. You remember telling Jungkook from the beginning that you strived to create a safe environment for all students, wanting to shape their growth and education. You never wanted them to feel alone like you did while growing up. Jules felt alone.

You had been aware of the potential challenges that could arise from dating a parent of a student but witnessing the treatment and suffering Jules was facing made you reconsider all your choices.

“It’s not your fault,” Jules reassured quickly, reading the expression on your face. “I love you two. I just..it’s just hard right now. I lost soccer for a bit and now I feel like I have nothing.”

“Sweetheart, you know you always have us and your family,” Jungkook reminded her. “Why didn’t you want to tell me? Or Y/N?”

“Because I don’t want you guys to be sad again. I don’t want Y/N to leave,” Jules answered, tears forming in her eyes.

As a reflex, Jungkook picked up Jules and wrapped his arms around her, making Jules feel like she was safe from everything else in the world.

“You can cry,” Jungkook whispered.

And Jules started bawling. “I just want to be unnoticed so I change my hair and clothes. And try not to come in here.”

“It’s okay.”

“And they keep talking about how young you are! ‘Wow he is too young to be a parent. He don’t know what to do.’” She wept. “Like shut up!”

_________

While Jungkook was putting Jules to bed, you couldn’t help but wrestle with the responsibility you played in Jules’s suffering the last few months by breaking up with Jungkook, leaving her, and now, not knowing she was being bullied at school.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Jungkook asked loudly, interrupting your thoughts. “Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry.”

He laughed. “For what?”

“That I did this.”

“Stop.” He sighed, running his hair through his hair. “You supported Jules and countless other students! This is not your fault…Just an unanticipated consequence that can be solved.”

“Are we breaking up again?” You asked seriously, not meeting his eyes. “I never wanted this to happen to a student, let alone Jules.”

“Hey, listen to me.” He nudged at your side with his elbow, making you look at him. “The biggest thing I’ve learned from you is that we cannot control how others react, but how we react. Like you never really yelled at me for not picking up Jules. You were accepting and understanding because you knew there was more to learn.”

You nodded, appreciating Jungkook’s words. “But the last thing I want is for her to suffer.”

Still staring back at you, he reached to grab your hand. “Breaking up isn’t going to solve that, you know?”

“Yeah, but-” Jungkook cuts you off.

“Hey, you believed in me as a parent and as a person even when I was too young and too busy with a career,” Jungkook said, choosing his words carefully. “Our relationship has made me better. It has made Jules so happy since the accident. We were alone without you, struggling. And now with you, we have so much love and support.”

You smiled, squeezing Jungkook’s hand. “You gave me so much as well.”

His grip on your hand tightened. “Do you think I’m still ‘too young’ and ‘too dumb’ to be there for Jules and you?”

“Of course not!”

“Personal matters should not affect the well-being of children under their care, and you helped me realize that as a parent,” he said. “You don’t have to give anything up. You don’t have to give up your dream of maintaining a safe environment for kids, and you don’t have to give up on us. Take the risk.”

You’re reminded of your past conversation with Jungkook, still smiling from all that the two of you have learned and experienced. “I am going to talk to the school community about this.”

“I know you are,” Jungkook said. “I love you. I love Jules and we will get this together, one step and one day at a time.”

And when it was the next day, there was Jungkook, balloons in his right hand, leaning his back against his blue minivan in the parking lot, waiting for his child to come out of elementary school. He was hours early, shocking all the parents and teachers. They all wondered what he was doing.

When it was time for lunch, Jules came into your office, and the both of you looked outside the window and saw Jungkook, talking to himself. “Do you know what he is saying?”

“He isn’t saying anything.” She laughed. “He’s singing our favorite song. I just know it.”

He was right, that everything was a process that took day by day, and he was going to start by not letting Jules wait for him ever again.

_____

the end! thank you for reading <3 (i am terribly sorry for the long wait). 

hopefully one day i can rewrite this story and make it into something way better. so crazy to think i started this years ago. i miss bts and can’t wait for them to come back home <3 the best is yet to come :) 

[xaveria]

just to recap the events of this year have been:

start out working at target, get such horrible back pain i have to go on sick leave

went to 4 different orthopedic doctors, one ER visit after aquatic PT, two MRIs, and got a speculative diagnosis of ankylosing spondylitis

somewhere in there target denies my short term disability pay so im fucked with no income

quit target

get another labor job that hurts me more. quit.

get a job at a local craft store that is slightly better on my back but still tough.

finally secure rheumatology appointment. going to the pain clinic regularly now.

got appendicitis and an appendectomy and was in the hospital recovering on my birthday

then in the last week, my ex-husband ended our marriage (on good terms it was for the best), i lost my job due to overstaffing and now brian and i are moving into a smaller place in our complex

and yet i feel more hopeful than ever. brian and i are both disabled and i just cant work retail anymore. so our only income choice is running our own business. which has a long way to go

im sorry to ask again but honestly donations would be greatly appreciated at this time. we need to hire movers to help us as i am unable to lift anything heavy and brian has CFS.

paypal.me/shelbycragg

i know everyone is having a shit time too so dont donate if you dont have the means and please prioritize people in much much worse situations i am still a white woman in the US at the end of the day and i will be okay

if you want to help out and get something out of it you can check out our store

love y’all hopefully my blogging can get less complainy soon. all the shit that has happened this year is just comical to me at this point tbh

[obsessedwithtwilight]

Bear with me because I’ve never written a head cannon before.

Meeting you for the first time even though you’re shy

Edit: I added vampire Bella because someone said I should

Carlisle

- You got into and accident and broke your foot

- He think its cute how you wont make eye contact with him and you mumble

- He instantly feels a connection to you and wonders if you also feel something

- He’s scared that he’s going to scare you

- He wants to make you feel comfortable around him, he wants you to trust him enough and let yourself out

- He admires how you try to be brave even though you’re shy

- You have a stutter? He loves it

- He wants to tell you everything about himself immediately but knows you might run if he does so he stays away from the topic

- He’s mysterious, checking up on you when you don’t know he’s there.

- the night after you left the hospital he stood in your room watching you sleep to make sure you were alright

- He kept watching over you intently until your foot was fully healed, even then he still was there

Esme

- As her eyes land on you she wants to immediately bring you into a tight hug

- She met you while she was helping out at the school

- She asks if you’re lost because you’ve been wandering the halls for the past 15 minutes

- Has the sweetest laugh when you quietly ask her where a class is

- She introduces herself and walks you to the class, speaking to the teacher out in the hall so you don’t get into trouble

- She feels very protective of you, she knew you were special the moment she saw you

- Whenever she’s at the school she’ll stop by one of your classes to say hi

Edward

- He met you on your first day at school, you were both sophomores

- He thought you wouldn’t like him at first because when he first introduced himself you shied away

- He gets to know you at your own pace and by your senior year you’re close friends

- He walks you to all your classes even if you don’t share them

Alice

- She saw you coming and made sure she met you early

- You met at a movie theatre while you were watching your favourite movie

- She sat next to you and after the movie she asked you what you thought about it

- She listened intently as you rambled about your favourite parts, and she laughed when you looked away realizing how loud you were being

- She offered to give you a ride home since you took a bus

- Giving you her number she left, saying she’d love to hang out with you again and that she hopes you become good friends

Jasper

- He immediately noticed you in a room of people, your emotions were so strong he gravitated towards you

- He sat beside you as you waited for a doctors appointment. He was visiting his father.

- He used his gift to calm you down and talked to you

- You wondered why you felt so calm around him

- After your appointment he was still there, waiting for you

- “I hope you don’t mind me waiting for you. You seemed so nervous I just wanted to make sure everything went okay.”

- He gave you his number in case you ever wanted to talk

Rosalie

- You worked at a café across from the salon she went to

- She was a regular, you liked how she always ordered the same thing so you didn’t really need to talk to her

- She compliments you a lot

- She ends up giving you her number, saying how cute you were and how she wants to take you out sometime

- She likes how flustered she makes you

Emmett

- He goes on runs (human runs) past your neighbourhood everyday

- One day it starts raining and he asks if he can stay in your house until it stops

- You reluctantly agree, you end up hitting it off

- You watch your favourite movies and end up having a great time

- It becomes apparent later that he likes you

- You like to call him a big teddy bear

Bella (As a vampire)

- You got into a little trouble with her dad, what did you do? Just a little, teensy weensy crime. Nothing major

- Charlie thought you and Bella would be good friends so he introduced you to her

- She wonders how someone as shy as you could do a crime, even if it was little

- She admires you from afar and when you’re together

- She’ll take you anywhere you want, you remind her of her when she was human and she wants to protect you at all costs

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved on our archive

By Lisa Jarvis

We’re still asking people with COVID to jump through far too many hoops to get their hands on Pfizer Inc.’s Paxlovid.

I experienced the barriers first-hand this month after my mother texted to say that this summer’s COVID wave had finally caught up with her. My first thought was to make sure she quickly started taking the antiviral. You’d think she would be an ideal candidate, because she is in her 70s with an underlying health condition. But it took a daylong effort to get her the medicine, one that involved multiple emails, phone calls with three different doctor’s offices, a telehealth visit and a bit of pharmacy-hopping to find one that had the pills in stock.

“That’s not an uncommon story,” says Amesh Adalja, a senior scholar at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security. “There are a lot of misconceptions out there that have undermined the use [of antivirals] from the very beginning.”

The data bear this out. One small study published in early 2024 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 4 out of 5 high-risk patients were not offered an antiviral by their doctors. Worse, one large, community-based study found that Black and Latino patients were far less likely to receive the drug than White patients.

It shouldn’t be that way. And the delay matters: Pfizer’s antiviral only helps if taken within the first five days of symptoms. My mom, feverish and exhausted, told me that if I hadn’t stepped in as her advocate, she would have given up.

Doctors must do better, especially as we continue to live through a wave of infections.

Some health care providers may be worried about managing the interactions between Paxlovid and other medicines (my mom, for example, had to pause her Lipitor while on the antiviral). Others have been dissuaded by reports of rebound infections occurring in people who take Paxlovid — despite evidence that the drug’s benefits outweigh those risks in the most vulnerable patients. And some doctors might be operating under perverse incentives that make it more lucrative to have a sick patient make an appointment to confirm their infection instead of simply calling the prescription into a pharmacy after an at-home test.

There’s also lingering confusion about the right candidates for the drug. Paxlovid was authorized in 2021 based on compelling data showing it could keep high-risk unvaccinated people out of the hospital. Yet some doctors don’t seem aware that vaccinated patients can also benefit from it, particularly if they are higher risk. That’s everyone over age 65, or those who are immunocompromised, pregnant or with an underlying condition. Those groups still are at risk of hospitalization and even of dying, especially if their last exposure or booster is in the distant past.

And that’s a lot of people. Only 1 out of every 3 retirement-age adults got last year’s booster. “From my experience as well as others, pretty much everybody I’ve taken care of hasn’t received a vaccine in the last year or so, even though they might have had them originally,” says Peter Chin-Hong, an infectious disease specialist at the University of California, San Francisco. Since mid-August, COVID deaths in the U.S. have been hovering near 1,000 per week, according to CDC data. Shouldn’t we better deploy the tools that might prevent such losses?

Cost shouldn’t be a barrier. When antivirals transitioned to the commercial market last year, the U.S. government partnered with Pfizer to ensure people with public health insurance or without insurance could still get the drugs for free, and minimize the cost for people with private insurance. Yet infectious disease doctors tell me that months into the rollout, too few patients, prescribers and pharmacists seem aware of the program.

True, Paxlovid isn’t perfect. In people who aren’t high-risk, the data are mixed as to whether it helps much (though anecdotes abound for people who say they have felt better faster after taking it). And while there had been much hope that Paxlovid could prevent long COVID, so far the data supporting that hypothesis are inconclusive.

So there’s a clear need for better anti-COVID drugs. Even for young, healthy people who have been jabbed and infected multiple times, an infection can be extremely disruptive, sidelining us from work or school and ruining our best-laid plans. A drug more akin to Tamiflu — a very safe and tolerable treatment for the flu that allows people to bounce back faster, even if only by a day or two — would be a welcome invention.

Yet better antivirals have been slow to arrive. Pfizer is studying a treatment that works similarly to Paxlovid, but doesn’t interact with other medications. And hopes were dashed last spring when Shionogi’s Ensitrelvir, an antiviral approved in Japan, failed to prove it could alleviate symptoms faster than a placebo.

But even if a drug for the masses eventually made it to market, would it be used? When doctors can’t get it right for the most vulnerable, the prospects seem dim.

[jacksfandomrandom]

Wing complications

Summary: After having crushed lute with debris during the battle, Vaggie's wing ends up bothering her. Because she crashed her wings into the railing to crush Lute, she ends up with a wing injury. However, it's not an easily fixable one and needs a doctor. The twist is that Vaggie despises doctors.

Notes: Yes, another injury with comfort fic. don't judge, I was bored on the plane.

Vaggie laid in bed after a long day of rebuilding the hotel. She grimaced when she felt another painful throb in her left wing. Her wing had been bothering her ever since the battle. She had gotten lots of injuries during it, like the hole in her hand that was still healing. But at least the stab wound had started to heal up. She thought that when she crashed her body into the railing to crush Lute, she would just get a bruise and it’d heal up. She never thought it’d be bringing her tons of pain.

“You okay, Vaggie?” Charlie asked, putting on her night shirt.

“Y-yeah, my wing has just been bothering me…�� Vaggie replied. 

”Maybe it needs a preen? Ooh! I used to help my dad all the time with his wings! I could help!” She suggested, showing excitement. She loved Vaggie’s wings, they were so beautiful!

“Um, sure, hon,” Vaggie said. She took off her polo shirt so they could start. Charlie excitedly sat behind her, crisscross applesauce with a pair of tweezers. She first started on the right wing. It didn’t look too bad, but there was definitely some debris and loose feathers hanging about. So she cleaned them up. It was actually pretty relaxing for Vaggie. Charlie would run her fingers through her feathers and massage the muscles a bit. It felt amazing. However, all that changed when she moved onto the other wing. Right when Charlie touched the outer edge of her wing, right where the bone structure was most prominent, a major pain shot through Vaggie’s core.

“Gah! Fuck!” She yelped before letting out a small whimper. Charlie immediately retracted her hand, feeling concern and guilt.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, Vag- wait, are you injured?!” Her protective partner mode activated and she started examining her wing more. The bone she had touched looked different from the one on the other wing. It was like it was trying to pop out of her skin.

“I- I’m sure it’s just a bruise,” Vaggie responded, trying to avoid confrontation.

However, there was another reason why Vaggie was trying to avoid worrying Charlie with this injury. Vaggie, the fearsome ex-exorcist angel and armor of Charlie, was afraid of the doctors. This fear was something that she hid in heaven for such a long time. However, Charlie found out about this phobia of hers when they first met. She wanted to bring her to the hospital to make sure nothing was infected, but Vaggie, who was running a fever at the time, refused, almost throwing a tantrum when Charlie tried to drag her out to see someone. She just really hated constantly being judged and poked and prodded at. Not to mention the bill at the end of the visit. This fear also had to do with the fact that when she was younger and a fresh exorcist, mentally about 10 years old, Lute and her sisters had forced her to watch many horror movies involving hospitals and doctors as a way of hazing after finding out about this fear. 

“Honey, I know you hate the doctor’s, but this really needs to be looked at,” Charlie tried to explain.

“But my hand healed up just fine, I’m sure my angelic healing abilities will kick in soon,” Vaggie said.

“This is different than a stab wound, Vaggie! It looks broken! The healing process is more complicated. I’m scheduling you an appointment in Sloth tomorrow, okay?” Charlie gave her a look that said ‘I’m not letting up on this decision’. She sighed and turned Vaggie to face her.

“I’ll be with you the whole time, alright? If you want, you can bring Mr. Redhead?” She offered. Mr. Redhead was a red teddy bear with devil horns that she had gifted Vaggie on a date a while back. He was one of Vaggie’s comfort items that could help calm her down when she was stressed and Charlie wasn’t around. However, the thought of being seen with a teddy bear in public was worse than any old trip to the doctors would be.

“I-I’ll be fine with just you, Char.” Vaggie promised. Charlie gave her a worried look.

“You sure?” she asked.

“Yeah, thank you for the offer though..” Vaggie said.

“Alright. Well, for now, you might wanna sleep on you side. I’ll schedule the appointment for the morning,” She explained. Vaggie nodded and pulled on her night dress before laying down and shutting her eye while Charlie scheduled the appointment on her phone.

The next morning, Charlie helped her partner get dressed in her most comfortable clothes in order to not cause her to be stressed. Even though it was a little embarrassing, being treated like a toddler who couldn’t do anything for themself, she found it a bit comforting. 

After breakfast, they stepped into the limo and started the drive to the elevator and soon sloth. Luckily, since Vaggie was an angel and Charlie was hellborn, they were allowed to travel through the rings.

Vaggie’s leg bounced as they were getting closer and closer to their destination. Charlie tried her best to comfort her and give her some reassurance. Though it was a little hard to silence the anxious thoughts.

When the driver dropped them off at the front door of the clinic/hospital,Vaggie gulped, the scenes from those dumb horror movies playing in her head as well as fake scenarios to get her stressed.

“Y-you know, I think I left the oven on, maybe we should go ba-”

“Nope, I triple checked the oven, it’s off. Come on, babe, you need to get it checked out. I’ll hold your hand the whole time!” Charlie assured her. Vaggie took a deep breath, hand in her girlfriend’s, and walked in.

They waited in the waiting room for quite some time as they filled out the paperwork. The sloth ring was also very busy with imps but since Charlie was the princess, they let her get an appointment in pronto.

“Vaggie?” The nurse called out into the waiting room.

“Come on, sweetie, that’s us,” Charlie whispered to her partner, taking her hand and leading her to the exam room the nurse lead them to. 

“The doctor will be here in a bit. While you wait, you’ll need to get changed,” The nurse told Vaggie, handing her a paper thin gown. 

“Thank you, sir!” Charlie said as he left the room, “Want some help with that?” she turned to her partner. The angel nodded. Her hand was still a bit hard to use and she often couldn’t grip onto anything.

Charlie helped Vaggie get out of her clothes (and definitely didn’t old timey whistle) before helping her into the gown. She also had to help Vaggie get onto the table because she was a bit too short and couldn’t fly up. 

Before long, there was a knock on the door and the doctor came in.

“Good morning, princess, what seems to be the problem?” He asked.

“Oh, I’m just here to be emotional support. Vaggie has been experiencing pain in her left wing,” Charlie explained.

“Alrighty then. Vaggie, can you let out your wings for me?” The doc told her, getting right to business. Vaggie let her wings sprout out from her back. Luckily, there was an opening in the back of the gown for her wings, so nothing was ripped. 

As the doctor starting poking and prodding at her, Charlie held her hand and tried distracting her with pictures of KeeKee. It really helped but she still was pretty anxious.

“Oki doki, It looks like the bone is possibly broken. I’ll just need to get a quick x-ray,” 

The Doctor had a small screen that he wheeled up to the bench. He got it all set up and almost against Vaggie’s wing.

“Alright, just stay still, this should only be a minute!” He told her. Even though she knew it would be painless, she still squeezed Charlie’s hand as it worked. 

After the x-rays were taken, the doctor left to grab the photos. He came back a few minutes later and handed them the picture.

“Almost a clean break! Your body is trying to heal it but since the bone hasn’t been set, it’s healing wrong.” As the doctor explained, he put on gloves and grabbed some plaster and bandages, “So, I’ll need to re-break the little bit that’s tried to heal, and set the bone.”

She didn’t even get a warning before the doctor put his gloved hand’s on her wing, and snapped the small part that tried to heal. Vaggie let out a yelp and squeezed Charlie’s hand really hard. 

“Give me a warning next time, asshole!” She barked. 

“Calm down, Vaggie, it’s okay,” Charlie rubbed her hand soothingly.

The doctor just hummed as if nothing was said as he bandaged up Vaggie’s wing. Oh how Vaggie wanted to punch his stupid face. But she refrained and let him put the cast on her wing. When he was done, she was mortified at how ugly the cast looked on her wing.

(This is how her wing looks)

“Now, you’re gonna have to keep your wings out in the open and the princess here will probably have to help you bathe for the first couple of days,” The doctor said.

Vaggie was not happy with that at all. She hated having her wings out, they bumped into everything and sometimes would trigger her. But this whole doctor’s visit made her so incredibly drained that she just groaned (definitely not a whimper, nu unh) and tucked her head into the crook of Charlie’s neck.

When they got home, Vaggie was clinging to Charlie the rest of the day and wanted nothing else but to cuddle in bed with her. She was told to rest but she kept getting up. Having a very clingy Vaggie was pretty rare nowadays so Charlie decided to cancel her plans just so she and her girlfriend could cuddle and relax after this stressful incident.

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Tidbits from a week visiting with family (I’ve been here since Tuesday night and won’t leave until next Tuesday)

-I forgot how humid Michigan is I am dying. It was 70% humidity here and I am just dripping. Also my mom leaves the ac set to 78 so sometimes I start sweating just sitting inside which is something I no longer tolerate in my own house (my parents have more than enough money to lower the wc but my mom grew up poor and thus is aggressively frugal)

- my mother got me my favorite kind of donuts

- I’ve always kind of been the spoiled baby of the family which was delightful when I first would visit after college but i haven’t figured out how to shift the dynamic now. My brother and his gf will always cook dinner one night when they here and sometimes will but truthfully would rather not (I like that visits home have always been for extended potatoe time) but I don’t like being shown up by my brother and I want my mom to not have to do everything

- my dad is really struggling with his health. He has Parkinson’s and he’s been slowly declining for years now but he was hospitalized with a uti back in June and just hasn’t really recovered. He no longer even leaves his room for meals and has a commode in his bedroom. He does leave the house roughly once a week for his doctor appointments and pt but otherwise basically just goes from bed to chair to commode.

- my mother has switched from taking hour long walks around the neighborhood to doing the exercise bike down stairs to not be too far from him too often (though she does still go to church and the grocery store)

- I worry about how much my mom is a full time care taker and how hard it is for my dad to slowly loose his independence

- my mom went to a wedding and got my brother to come stay with my dad. They didn’t ask me. And like my brother is unemployed and has no pets or real responsibilities or obligations so it makes sense to ask him. And my dad often needs help with tolieting and maybe it’s easier to have your same gender child help. Or he just seems more helpful. It’s obviously easier for me to not come back and stay and caretake but I also feel bad for not

- they changed all the chairs out at church and it was very unsettling

- my brother quick mid “poetry for neandthrals” game today, a game simile to taboo but you can’t use multi syllable because he couldn’t think of good enough clues and his gf wasn’t guessing things good enough. This man is 34 years old. He also is the worst manplainer of anyone I’ve ever interacted with it and constantly tries to talk as though he’s the smartest person in the room and how it’s so sad that most people can’t be bothered to think this deeply. While he’s never worked a full time job or done anything of note 🙄 he does at least do the dishes every night we’re here. And to his credit he is often correct about whatever theory for the board game he’s currently going on about but he is absolutely insufferable about and has zero tolerance for anyone getting anything wrong ever which makes him obnoxious to play with.

- I’ve knitted half a sleeve of my sweater finished two books, slept 9-10 hours every night, eaten all the cookies and yummy snacks my heart could desire so it’s not all bad.

- and helped my mom set up the new computer, got the printer back online and transferred her files over (though it did take me several tries oops) so I haven’t been a complete potato

- anyway being home is weird

[hel-phoenyx]

Hospitals have never been my thing, even before the accident.

Dad couldn't stop saying the public hospital was shit, that we should go to clinics if we needed anything, that is was underfunded, understaffed, under the water. He's right, but he seemed to blame more the hospitals themselves than government funding.

Truth be told, I had one hell of a bias before then, even though I had to bring Kriss here for her giving birth. She was in pain, I was the only one here and the public hospital was the closest to reach. Not to mention I was sixteen and only driving a motorcycle so long drives were out of the question for both of us.

They took care of her accordingly but I saw how bad they were doing. How tired the doctors look. How left behind some patients could be. It didn't help the bias.

And then, right after, I got into that accident.

I wasn't the only one hurt. A lot of people had to be brought to the hospital that day.

I lost my right hand, but I know it could have been far worse without the help of the ER staff. I almost died that day, that's something prone to make an impression. And there's something I'll never forget. The smile of the doctors taking care of me.

I never saw that smile when dad brought me to clinics.

Since that day I'm prone to think people that still have the energy to work in public hospital are truly there for their patients. Well, those I saw, anyway. That's why I come back there regularly, for my check-ups. I don't need a lot of care, now that the wound is fully scarred, but you never know what my prosthesis might need.

End of context, this is why I am in those white corridors today. I just got out of my appointment, Domi and Oli are waiting for me outside, we're supposed to get a treat after this. Domi was supposed to see the guys at Planned Parenthood anyway. But I'd like to get a coffee before. Even one of those crappy hospital coffees.

Haven't slept all night because thesis and the two menaces are always throwing me worried looks when I drink more than three in a row, so, I've started hiding my true caffeine intake.

I wasn't expecting to see him at the cafeteria.

I wasn't expecting him to wave at me, either.

"But if it isn't Tyrfing ! How are you doing since last time ?"

I have a little smile.

"Hello, doctor Claro."

He's the one that took me into his care when I lost my hand. A man always smiling, with ice blue eyes adorned with dark circles. Probably around forty or fifty, but his hair is white as ghost. Stress, probably. We ran into each other a few times since then, but since my visits got rarer, I started seeing him less. Didn't expect him to still remember me.

Since he waved at me, it would be polite to at least join him. I take my coffee and go say hello, and he pull out a chair. Well, the message is clear. Does he do that with every patient ?

"Didn't expect to run into you today. Isn't your department downstairs ?"

"Day off, and I needed to see some of the patients I sent to colleagues, check if everything was good. I have time, today, don't worry."

I raise an eyebrow.

"You see your patients even when you're off work ?"

"Well, yeah. Healthcare doesn't sleep."

That man's dedication to his work astonished me at sixteen. It does even more now that I'm in my twenties. Sometimes I think every doctor should be like him, and then I see the dark circles.

This is not about the people nor the workers.

I smile.

"This isn't a good work ethic, doctor, you would kill me for the same thing."

"Not kill, I have sworn Hippocrates, he laughs. But I have to admit I wouldn't recommend that rhythm. The wife is already on my back for this and I don't blame her. What about you ? Life's good I hope."

"Eh, still a student. Thesis is fucking me over, but I still can see my friends."

"Oh, I don't look fondly upon those years. What doctorate ?"

"Deep-sea creatures."

"You're not doing politics anymore ?"

"Dropped out. I tried, but I couldn't help but get angry at so many things I didn't have the energy to be angry about. I still get some classes, tho. A friend in politics is giving me his slides."

Because said friend is trying to prove to me right-wingers are right every day, but hey, not gonna go into details, I don't need to talk about the homoerotic rivalry right now.

We may be friendly, right now, but we don't know each other so well, as much as he is easy-going and easy to talk to.

[sweetcarrotsandroses97]

Hi, darlings! Important News Ahead

Hello, darlings! How are you all doing? I sincerely hope everything’s okay with you guys! 🫶

So, I’m writing this to let you all know about my current status when it comes to this blog. I am tremendously grateful to all the people who have supported me and loved my work and, do not panic! I am not leaving Tumblr! 

I’ll just be taking a break from here for some time. Three months to be exact. 

I recently discovered there are some health issues I need to take care of and I’m starting a treatment of three months that will hopefully make me better. 

However, the treatment is currently stopping me from keeping up with this page and finishing my writing project as of now. My free time is now spent on hospital visits and doctor’s appointments as well as tests and sleeping frankly. I’m doing my best to balance this treatment with my college life but it is getting tiring and I need a break. 

As I said, I’ll do my best to finish THIS fic I promised for my Golden Darlings on Ko-Fi as soon as possible and if I am unable to do it, I’ll let you know through Ko-fi as well! I will give you all the behind-the-scenes material I have on that fic so as to not leave you hanging, loves and thank you all for your support. 

The Coffee Shop on Ko-fi will be closed for the next three months, this means I won’t be able to publish new fics yet you are free to support me through the membership if you desire so. 

If you feel like it and are capable of doing it, you can DONATE $5 dollars to my Ko-fi account that will go to my treatment and I will be very thankful for you help. 🫶🫶🫶

I need to do this because I have to take some stress off of my life and even though this page is my escape from the world, I do get stressed a bit when it comes to certains stories or plots I'm stuck in. I also need to relax a bit when it comes to the deadlines on the Coffee Shop but after I get better, everything will go back to normal!

Again, thank you all for your constant love and support I’ve received since I made this account nearly a year ago. I hope my stories have given you new experiences and have been to your liking, loves. I promise to return stronger and with way more ideas to share with you!

I’ll still be active here and there, reblogging stuff and reading but I need to get better before I start writing again. As I said before, I do not like giving shitty content to my lovely darlings. 

Once more, thank you for everything and I’ll keep you updated on my progress! I'll also try to get out some stories that have been collecting dust on my drafts but I can't promise anything yet, loves.

Stay safe, darlings and take care. 🫶

~ Navigation

~ Ko-Fi

[forbidden-salt]

Welcome to My Chronic Illness Journey: Finding Answers, Advocating for Myself

Hi, I’m Holly! I’m 29 years old and have been on a long, winding road with chronic illness. It’s been a journey filled with ups and downs, ER visits, hospital stays, surgeries, and more doctor appointments than I can count. I’m currently diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis, Psoriatic Arthritis, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), and Complex Migraines—but the story doesn’t end there. I’m still chasing down more symptoms, determined to uncover the full picture of what’s going on with my health.

For years, I was told things like "You’re fine," or "Your labs are normal," ‘it’s just an ankle sprain,” but deep down I knew something was off. It’s frustrating when you're not believed, especially when your body is constantly sending you signals that something’s wrong. After countless encounters with doctors who didn’t listen, and even family who didn’t know what to make of my concerns, I decided enough was enough. I’m now taking charge of my health, advocating for myself, and hoping to help others along the way.

I’ve learned that advocating for yourself is exhausting, but necessary. If there’s one thing I can share with you from my experience, it’s to never stop fighting for the care you deserve. You know your body better than anyone, and persistence is key to finding answers. It’s not easy, but together we can create a community that supports each other through the challenges of chronic illness.

This blog is a space to share my journey, connect with others in the chronic illness community, and talk about what it’s like to navigate life with chronic and/or invisible illnesses. Whether you’re just starting on your own journey or have been at it for years like me, I hope my story brings you some comfort and maybe even a little inspiration to keep pushing for answers.

If you’ve experienced something similar or are looking for support, I’d love to hear your story. Let’s figure this out together and advocate for better care, not just for ourselves but for everyone navigating this unpredictable road.

[beegoould]

I want to share how my mom died. I’ll hide it below.

If we’ve been mutuals for awhile you probably know that my mom was a jerk and a narcissist, so our relationship was complicated and I didn’t speak to her for several years. Over the last few years she drove away the rest of our family - my brothers, their kids, aunts and uncles and cousins - which makes the whole thing even sadder.

One day she told my dad she wanted to go to an estate sale. Dad said he thought it was a bad idea because she had balance issues and her asked her a few times to stay away. She insisted, and immediately fell while climbing the porch steps and hurt her knee. Dad took her to the doctor to get it looked at and everything was ok.

A week or two later her knee was painful and swelling. She went to the family doctor and he said it was arthritis and injected cortisone into the area. A week later her knee was even more swollen, red and warm to the touch. They went to the family doctor and he gave her another cortisone injection. It’s arthritis, it’s going to hurt, he said.

The next day she couldn’t get up and dad found out that he couldn’t lift her anymore. They called an ambulance and went to the ER. The doctors determined she had an infection and removed a CUP of puss from the area. Turns out cortisone can hinder healing and recovery from infections, and sometimes even cause them. Who knew. Thought maybe a doctor would but oh well.

She was admitted into the hospital and had surgery to remove the rest of the puss and remove dead and infected tissue. It was pretty awful and she was in a lot of pain. The infection had spread to her blood so she was getting iv antibiotics. She immediately alienated herself from the people providing her care by complaining about everything, including them, all the time. She insisted that they change rules and regulations for her. My sister in law talked the her nurse who was trying to explain some of the treatment issues they were running into without saying anything negative about mom. SIL reassured her by stopping her and saying, “I’m really sorry.” and that was enough.

Mom moved to a rehab center, the worst one in town because that was all that was available. She refused physical therapy for a long time but eventually gave in. She was still on antibiotics for her infection. While she was at the rehab center she caught pneumonia, and she was admitted into the hospital again.

By this time she was done doing what the doctors said, and the next day she went home with a chest full of phlegm and a wound that needed care but with no scheduled nurse visits or physical therapy appointments. The hospital gave them oxygen and a loaner wheelchair. The oxygen tank ended up being empty.

They got a portable toilet and put it next to the bed so she wouldn’t have to go all the way to the bathroom. That night, my dad told her to wake him up when she needed to use it and made her promise to turn on the light if she went anywhere. She got up in the middle of the night and tried using the toilet without dad’s help as well as in the dark and fell.

The next day they got a full oxygen tank and all seemed well. Dad went on a quick errand that ended up not being necessary. The bank called and said they needed some information and asked for dad to call them. She told him they needed him to go to the bank in person. This happens often because mom didn’t listen when people spoke. She filled in the gaps in her memory of the conversation with whatever her mind came up with.

Dad went to the bank, found out he didn’t need to be there, came home and found her dead. He called 911 and did cpr. An ambulance took them to the hospital. A doctor worked on her a few minutes, but she was gone.

There’s so much about this that fills me with rage. The family doctor ignored her pain and symptoms and his treatments probably made the infection worse. His dismissal meant that she didn’t get treatment for the infection until it spread into her blood. The hospital sent her home with an empty oxygen tank. When I think about how much pain she was in and how scared she must have been, I can’t breathe. But at the same time I’m angry at her. She made so many selfish decisions, and if that sounds crazy maybe it is, sometimes I feel like I am. She fought at every step of treatment and went home against medical advice and hurt herself doing the one thing my dad asked her not to do. And all of these things contributed to dad finding her dead in their bed. Can you even imagine? And my brother telling everyone “We’re going to tell dad that she knew she was going to die so she wanted to come home.” So we could all get our story straight.

I’m probably a huge asshole. I’m probably a giant pile of shit for being mad at her. And her being gone makes me question everything all over again. Was she really that bad? Was I just too sensitive?

Anyway. That’s my story. If you read it, I’m sorry.

[thatfanficstuff]

Sigh.

I'm going to go into detail below the cut but the TLDR is life sucks sometimes and takes the creativity out of you. Hope to write soon.

For those that want the nitty gritty...Hello friends! I hope your life is going fantastic and that you enjoy your holiday season, whatever holiday you celebrate.

This has been a horrible year for several reasons. Up until June it was mainly things happening to my nearest and dearest that didn't affect me other than empathizing with them.

In June my mom, whom lives with us, had spinal surgery. She was able to do more for herself than anticipated but she helps take care of my family due to my stroke. But it was fine. We got her recovered and things went better than anticipated.

Then the last day of July my husband woke me from a sound sleep at 3am in tears and said I needed to take him to the ER. It took four weeks of doctor appointments every 2-3 days, scans two ER visits and a hospital admittance to get him diagnosed and treated for shingles. It started internal then went external. He was in excruciating pain. Tomorrow is his first day back at work since August 2.

In the midst of that on September 13 I had ankle surgery. Non-weight bearing for 4 weeks.

But I started feeling better. I posted a couple of chapters. Asked for soulmate requests (which are all plotted out, btw). Was ready to put my head down and write.

The very next day we got a call from my in-laws. My FIL who has stage 4 cancer had decided to end all treatment. They live 3 hours away and we have been physically unable to visit. Once we could, he no longer wished for visitors. At this point he hasn't eaten in four weeks and grows weaker every day. We're waiting for him to die and god it sucks. I'm working on an obituary for a man that's still alive.

Needless to say the Christmas spirit is noticeably absent this year.

So if you've read all this...yeah. I want to write, I'm hoping to write but life. But I'm around and have no plans to disappear any time soon.

[jadeleechsupportgroup]

it's time once again for personal shit no one asked for below the jump

cw: mental illness, hospital mentions, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt/death

(i'm okay, i'm not doing/have not done anything dangerous, it's just getting words out)

my birthday is tomorrow. i am sad about it for reasons beyond the usual because i don't care about getting old. actually i never thought i'd make it this far but that's beside the point.

a few years ago, i was in the midst of yet another major depressive episode. this was prior to a diagnosis and any medication. i was out of town, visiting someone around thanksgiving, a 'holiday' i loathe. i was a big sad. i took a mental health assessment through my online pharmacy, and their doctor recommended i go to the emergency room immediately. (no idea who would've paid for that, but it wasn't about to be me, so i did not do that. i did schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist, though. snaps for baby rexii.)

unknown to me, and unrelated, that same day, a friend of mine several states away overdosed on her medication. she had been hoarding her antidepressants and insulin for over a month and then took it all at once. she was alone for something like 17 hours before some friends suspected danger and reached out to her family, when her son went to check on her and found her.

she was in the hospital for 10 days. she had seizures. i knew the minute i heard what had happened that she wouldn't make it, even based on my limited knowledge of medical crap.

but then i got added to the group chat and it was people all talking about how sad it was and how they were always available if someone needed to talk. and how we should all record video messages to play for her so we could 'get through' to her and encourage her to wake up from the coma.

i couldn't tell you why today any more than i could have told you three years ago, but it all disgusted me. it still does. i hate false hope. and i hate how easy it is for people to say 'my door is always open' when you know they wouldn't know how to handle a 3am phone call saying "i was going to yeet myself in front of a bus but i watched a bunch of tiktoks and discovered a podcast that seems pretty cool." without either hanging up or calling the cops on you.

that aside.

the aftermath did confirm for me that i needed to get help before i ended up doing that to people i cared about. i got meds. i leveled out (mostly). i got her tattoo on my arm. fuck, there's so much more to it that i just don't feel like typing.

they took her off of life support the day before my birthday, and that's the day she died. three years today.

and now i get to live with that forever. my birthday is hard enough being this close to The Holidays™️, and now i get to have this hanging over my head forever. i hate myself for being mad about it and making it about me when i'm the one who's still here. i hate being surrounded by relentless positivity and treated like i'm the crazy bitch. i hate so much. i am full of so much rage and despair and other feelings without names.

[theretirementstory]

28/07/2024. Bonjour à tous, am I glad to see the weekend, when I can relax! I was at Paris on Monday, Troyes to see the cardiologist on Wednesday and for a transfusion at Troyes on Thursday afternoon. There were two pieces of good news, no lymphoma in my bone marrow 😁 and I don’t have to see the cardiologist again until next year 😁😁. Everything else is still the same but the doctor did say it was too early for the new treatment to be effective.

This coming week it’s another three days of hospital visits, two of which are to Paris! Not only will I have transfusions on Monday but I will also be having my third round of treatment. Hope they give me a bed as I think I will be snoozing a lot of the time.

A young driver took me for my appointment on Wednesday (he’s about 25 years old), he always plays great tracks in the taxi, Supertramp, that sort of thing. Well he only played this song: “Come And Get Your Love” by Redbone. As I quietly sang along I wondered what year it was released, thinking to myself not that far back really. It was released in 1974, that nearly blew my socks off! Have a listen to it, it’s stuck in my head now. My second song for this music spot was one I could hear playing in the background of the Olympic Opening Ceremony, it was from the Europop section and although the commentator was talking all over it, I was still transported to holidays and particularly discos. The year this song was released was 1980, it’s “Spacer” by Sheila & B Devotion.

I asked Monique to do the bulk of my shopping and Anie bought my fruit and vegetables. Anie has also been and collected my prescription. It’s great to have such good friends and I was happy to have lots of tasty food. I hope my body appreciated the fish/chicken/vegetables and fruit I have been feeding it 😂.

Oh my goodness I took the plunge and messaged my cleaning lady to see if she had a couple of hours free. Horror of horrors she didn’t and also said that she was having health problems of her own. Now what am I going to do? Accept the offer from Monique or see if my friends know any other person. I have already mentioned it to Anie.

I must just rectify an omission from last weeks blog, “The Trainee Solicitor” sat an exam at the course he did at the University. He said at the time he hoped he had done enough to pass it and he obviously had! Great result passing the exam, just checks to be made and then he will be a fully fledged Solicitor. I remember my godmother telling me it was years of hard work to attain that position and he has put in the time and effort. Well done that man!

“The Recovery Coordinator” started her working week with a severe migraine! Not a good way to start, then she had a couple of nightmarish days at work, that doesn’t help either. After spending some time with my grandchildren and their Daddy this weekend she was going to catch up with the Olympics. It’s the F1 from Spa-Francorchamps today, a circuit I would have liked to visit. Don’t think it’s on free to view tv so for me it will be the Olympics (once I have prepared myself for tomorrow).

“The Photographer” has had his children for one week of their summer holidays. My granddaughter attended a football day, she gave it a thumbs up but when asked if she wanted to go the following day she said no. They attended a local football match (grandson included) both wore ear defenders as the last time she went to a match she wanted to leave as it was too noisy. Fingers crossed they are having four nights in a camper van this week, it is greatly anticipated by the three of them and I think it will be a memorable experience.

“The Traînée Solicitor” was pleased to hear my health news as it means that he can come out and visit me. I did say that he has to be careful hugging me as I am only fragile now, hopefully he will remember that 😉. I am really excited about seeing him too, it’s been over a year. I had hoped to be visiting him but as we all know, life has a habit of throwing a curved ball occasionally.

The photographs this week are of a champagne village which has at its heart an amusement park, Nigloland.

My garden is very neglected but I am unable to get out there and sort it out. Looking back at photos of previous years it looked so lovely and I am hoping that it will again.

The car has only been moved out of the garage once in the last goodness knows how many months. I would like to bring it out today but as it is more than two days since my last transfusion I had better leave it until I get back from Paris on Tuesday.

I have finished crocheting the blanket, I think it will do for a new baby and as a pram blanket (do people still buy prams?)

I am having a clear out of bedding, and clothes that no longer fit me. I think I will let go of some jumpers and t shirts too. I bought a few new clothes last year but they too are too big for me now. I really need some new shoes but will have to wait for those I think.

As it is a busy day for me, I think I had better make a start!

Have a good week until next week 😁.

[brostateexam]

Tara Ghormley has always been an overachiever. She finished at the top of her class in high school, graduated summa cum laude from college and earned top honors in veterinary school. She went on to complete a rigorous training program and build a successful career as a veterinary internal medicine specialist. But in March 2020 she got infected with the SARS-CoV-2 virus—just the 24th case in the small, coastal central California town she lived in at the time, near the site of an early outbreak in the COVID pandemic. “I could have done without being first at this,” she says.

Almost three years after apparently clearing the virus from her body, Ghormley is still suffering. She gets exhausted quickly, her heartbeat suddenly races, and she goes through periods where she can't concentrate or think clearly. Ghormley and her husband, who have relocated to a Los Angeles suburb, once spent their free time visiting their “happiest place on Earth”—Disneyland—but her health prevented that for more than a year. She still spends most of her days off resting in the dark or going to her many doctors' appointments. Her early infection and ongoing symptoms make her one of the first people in the country with “long COVID,” a condition where symptoms persist for at least three months after the infection and can last for years. The syndrome is known by medical professionals as postacute sequelae of COVID-19, or PASC.

People with long COVID have symptoms such as pain, extreme fatigue and “brain fog,” or difficulty concentrating or remembering things. As of February 2022, the syndrome was estimated to affect about 16 million adults in the U.S. and had forced between two million and four million Americans out of the workforce, many of whom have yet to return. Long COVID often arises in otherwise healthy young people, and it can follow even a mild initial infection. The risk appears at least slightly higher in people who were hospitalized for COVID and in older adults (who end up in the hospital more often). Women and those at socioeconomic disadvantage also face higher risk, as do people who smoke, are obese, or have any of an array of health conditions, particularly autoimmune disease. Vaccination appears to reduce the danger but does not entirely prevent long COVID.

The most common, persistent and disabling symptoms of long COVID are neurological. Some are easily recognized as brain- or nerve-related: many people experience cognitive dysfunction in the form of difficulty with memory, attention, sleep and mood. Others may seem rooted more in the body than the brain, such as pain and postexertional malaise (PEM), a kind of “energy crash” that people experience after even mild exercise. But those, too, result from nerve dysfunction, often in the autonomic nervous system, which directs our bodies to breathe and digest food and generally runs our organs on autopilot. This so-called dysautonomia can lead to dizziness, a racing heart, high or low blood pressure, and gut disturbances, sometimes leaving people unable to work or even function independently.

[skvaderarts]

Welp, I'm back from the doctor, and I have news.

So remember that important doctor's visit I mentioned last week when I said I might have to push a chapter back? Well, I went to it and it turns out I need very major surgery. They are hoping that it will fix the root cause of what's been plaguing me for the last few years, but it's going to require about 6 weeks of bed rest and I don't have a surgery date yet. I'll keep you posted. They are trying to rush me in for a date as soon as possible due to the severity of my condition so I've been to THREE doctor's appointments this week alone and two last week. I've had no time to write, so I'm aiming for next week as long as they don't call me and say I have to hop on the table because right now I'm waiting to hear back from them about the dye contrast MRI I had done yesterday (It's an internal surgery to remove two golf ball sized tumors that are putting pressure on some of my organs that may involve moving some organs around so they had to get better images smh) so that they know what they are working with. It's... scary.

I've never gone through anything like this and I'm very concerned, so hopefully, writing will help distract me if I get the chance. I was NOT expecting this when I got that emergency doctor follow-up phone call after my last visit post anaphylactic incident. I knew it was something, but I wasn't expecting this. I'll share more if any of you are interested since I don't mind, but yeah, I just wanted to let you know. At least the bed rest recovery being as long as it is will clear up my schedule, though I have no idea how I'll be feeling and I'll be in the hospital for several days so I have no idea how soon I'll be recovering after that. So it's a lot, yeah. But at least after fighting with my doctors for like 4 years, it's finally going somewhere. Hopefully somewhere better.

I'll keep you in the loop about dates and such so we know the schedule and have some idea of how long that will impact the near-term schedule, but yeah, it's a lot. I just wanted to update everyone. Thanks. I hope you're having a better week than I am lol! You take care out there. And if you need anything, let me know! I'll... be okay. Yikes, though. Have any of you ever had surgery? How did it go? If you are willing to share, that is. I'm just still in a little shock, I think. I hate pain. This is a lot. But hopefully, it will help. I'm hopeful that it will be worth it.